LORD, I AM AFRAID
TODAY’S SCRIPTURE
Psalm 23:1-4 -- The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Matthew 28:20 -- …. and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
LORD, I AM AFRAID
My 1998 gallbladder surgery did not go quite like we expected. It was to be routine, done in the morning and home in the afternoon. Yet the problem that arose has changed my outlook on life. A problem so much smaller than many other people have, I know that, but let me explain.
I was home and lying in bed, short of breath and I was afraid. The doctor said I should be aware if I noticed any changes, like getting winded walking to the barn or having trouble breathing while lying on my back. Was I in trouble, was my heart going to stop again? Should I wake my husband? Quietly, I went downstairs, taking my fear with me. Dear Lord, I am afraid.
Just seven short days before, my world had been safe and secure. A simple gallbladder operation. Outpatient surgery. Arrive at the hospital early and leave late in the afternoon. Routine surgery until something went wrong. During surgery, my heart stopped for one minute. One minute did not seem like such a long time, until I tried holding my breath that long. I tried to count one-one thousand, two one-thousand, three one-thousand -- all the way to sixty one-thousand. One minute is not long, but it was long enough to make me afraid.
Three days of tests revealed no heart problems. With each test came new risks though. Papers had to be signed to make sure we were aware certain tests could cause strokes or even heart attacks. Fear. The gallbladder surgery went well and those scars were healing, but my chest hurt where they had hit me to get my heart started. Each movement caused pain. And fear. They did not know what caused this. Could it happen again? Fear. "Go home and in thirty days we will see you again. The only problem now is your heart is not pumping one hundred percent, but, most likely, that is a result of the stress. In thirty days, it should be back to normal," the doctors assured me. Most likely, should be -- “fear,” -- that is all I heard and felt.
Sitting in the dark, I tried to go over the last week, but I was afraid. More afraid than I had ever been in my life. Then it happened. A light. You know how sometimes, when you close your eyes, you see a light? That is what I thought was happening, but this was different. My eyes were open. I was awake. The light was there. A light more brilliant than any I had ever seen. A light with no beginning and no end. The light made the world quiet and gave me peace. A light that took my fear and left.
Thank you, God, I am not afraid now.
I know there is no guarantee tomorrow will come and I have never been afraid to die. Not ready, but never afraid. And I have always believed in Heaven. My fear was real and I do believe the fear could have killed me. Why had I been so afraid that night?
When I was being released from the hospital a young man was taking me by wheelchair to the car, he asked if I had seen a light and I told him no. He said some people do and some do not. I did not think too much about it until sitting there, alone and no longer afraid. Why hadn't the light been in the operating room? The answer is simple -- I did not need it then.
QUESTIONS OF THE DAY
When have you been afraid? Where did you find the strength to face that fear?
Please use this as a beginning of your prayer. Finish in your own words, words from your heart.
LET US PRAY
TODAY’S SCRIPTURE
Psalm 23:1-4 -- The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Matthew 28:20 -- …. and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
LORD, I AM AFRAID
My 1998 gallbladder surgery did not go quite like we expected. It was to be routine, done in the morning and home in the afternoon. Yet the problem that arose has changed my outlook on life. A problem so much smaller than many other people have, I know that, but let me explain.
I was home and lying in bed, short of breath and I was afraid. The doctor said I should be aware if I noticed any changes, like getting winded walking to the barn or having trouble breathing while lying on my back. Was I in trouble, was my heart going to stop again? Should I wake my husband? Quietly, I went downstairs, taking my fear with me. Dear Lord, I am afraid.
Just seven short days before, my world had been safe and secure. A simple gallbladder operation. Outpatient surgery. Arrive at the hospital early and leave late in the afternoon. Routine surgery until something went wrong. During surgery, my heart stopped for one minute. One minute did not seem like such a long time, until I tried holding my breath that long. I tried to count one-one thousand, two one-thousand, three one-thousand -- all the way to sixty one-thousand. One minute is not long, but it was long enough to make me afraid.
Three days of tests revealed no heart problems. With each test came new risks though. Papers had to be signed to make sure we were aware certain tests could cause strokes or even heart attacks. Fear. The gallbladder surgery went well and those scars were healing, but my chest hurt where they had hit me to get my heart started. Each movement caused pain. And fear. They did not know what caused this. Could it happen again? Fear. "Go home and in thirty days we will see you again. The only problem now is your heart is not pumping one hundred percent, but, most likely, that is a result of the stress. In thirty days, it should be back to normal," the doctors assured me. Most likely, should be -- “fear,” -- that is all I heard and felt.
Sitting in the dark, I tried to go over the last week, but I was afraid. More afraid than I had ever been in my life. Then it happened. A light. You know how sometimes, when you close your eyes, you see a light? That is what I thought was happening, but this was different. My eyes were open. I was awake. The light was there. A light more brilliant than any I had ever seen. A light with no beginning and no end. The light made the world quiet and gave me peace. A light that took my fear and left.
Thank you, God, I am not afraid now.
I know there is no guarantee tomorrow will come and I have never been afraid to die. Not ready, but never afraid. And I have always believed in Heaven. My fear was real and I do believe the fear could have killed me. Why had I been so afraid that night?
When I was being released from the hospital a young man was taking me by wheelchair to the car, he asked if I had seen a light and I told him no. He said some people do and some do not. I did not think too much about it until sitting there, alone and no longer afraid. Why hadn't the light been in the operating room? The answer is simple -- I did not need it then.
QUESTIONS OF THE DAY
When have you been afraid? Where did you find the strength to face that fear?
Please use this as a beginning of your prayer. Finish in your own words, words from your heart.
LET US PRAY
Dear Heavenly Father, Fear. The word itself makes me cringe. Some of my fears are real and others are irrational. I know I cannot face them alone. I know I need help. Be beside me as I face the fear of ………………………………… Amen
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