THE PROTECTOR  

I wanted to call this THE PROTECTOR.  Then I looked up the word.  Protector:  one who protects.

It has been a very long time since I sat in English class, but I do remember my teacher saying, “A definition should never include the word or the root word.”  There went the title THE PROTECTOR.

THE GUARDIAN

My second choice was THE GUARDIAN.  I looked up the word.  Guardian: someone or something that guards.  (My English teacher just rolled over in her grave.)  The second definition of guardian was better.  Guardian:  someone who has the care of the person or property of another.  Drat.  That really did not fit either.  There went the title THE GUARDIAN

Why was picking a title so hard?  This is a simple story about a boy and a dog.  A dog that was paying close attention. 

MINDER:  looks after someone or something; bodyguard; one who protects another person from danger.  We have a title.

THE MINDER

Routines keep life orderly and many are for safety.  Such was one routine that was to be strictly followed many years ago by a small boy.  Grandson Nathan obeyed this one routine, until the day that he didn’t and this routine was a safety routine.

When we would arrive at our home, I would pull the car into the garage.  The garage was not connected to the house and Nathan was to walk straight to the back door and wait.  He would wait until I got my purse and other stuff that needed carried in.  He would walk straight to the house and wait.  Except for the day I heard:

“GRANDMA HELP!  GRETCHEN IS SITTING ON ME!  GRANDMA!”

I quickly dropped everything and ran out of the garage.  There lay Nathan, in the driveway, with the dog sitting on him.  He had not gone to the house.  He had started down the driveway towards the road.  And the dog, a German Rottweiler, became a minder. 

Gretchen was looking after this boy who was not following the routine.  Gretchen was being a bodyguard.  Gretchen was protecting a little boy from danger.  And Gretchen looked at me like, “Do I have to do your job?  You were not paying attention.”

I stopped.  I smiled.  I tried not to laugh, but I couldn’t help it.  Poor Nathan laid there with the dog sitting on him.  I told Gretchen to get up.  She did and slowly walked away.

Now for the question:  Who is your minder?

Who will look after you when getting out of a routine could get you in trouble?  Who is your bodyguard?  Who will protect you from danger?  Who is your minder?

RIVER OF LIFE

I do not understand the Book of Revelation and probably never will.  I am not sure anyone really understands.  There is one part that I go back to and, even with my imagination; the picture in my head is never complete. 

Oh, I love the part about all tears being wiped away and no more death, sorrow, crying or pain.  That is not the part.  To be with the Alpha and Omega is something that stirs my very soul.  That is not the part either.  Jasper.  Gold.  Sapphire.  Topaz.  And pearls big enough to be a gate!  That, also, is not the part.

And he showed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding from the throne of God and of the Lamb. 

And the Spirit and the bride say, “Come!”  And let him who hears say, “Come!”  And let him who thirsts come.  Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely.

Revelation 22:1 and 22:17

I remember, as a kid, a free flowing well on the way to my aunt and uncle’s house.  We carried a collapsible cup, which all six of us drank out of, and always stopped for a drink.  The water was crystal clear, cold and satisfied our thirst. 

On one of our trips, we saw a sign:  The Beginning of the Colorado River.  Well, who wouldn’t want to see that?  We followed the signs.  Then there it was.  The beginning of the mighty river that created the Grand Canyon.  Except it wasn’t so grand.  As a matter of fact, it was a very small amount of water bubbling out of the ground and a trickle of water flowing from there.  The power of water!  From a trickle to a flow to a small stream to a river to a lake to a larger river to joining another river to flowing right into the Gulf of Mexico. 

Waking up early is not the norm for me.  Except when we are by the ocean or the Gulf.  Then, give me a cup of coffee, a balcony, a chair, and I will watch the sun come up.  I will listen to the waves.  I will breath with the tide.  In.  Out.  In.  Out.  And my being will calm and my soul renewed.

And he showed me a pure river of water of life,

clear as crystal,

proceeding from the throne of God

and

of the Lamb.

Even with my imagination the picture in my head is never complete.  Oh, I can picture the water.  I picture raising it to my lips.  What I cannot picture is the throne of God and of the Lamb.  Nothing I have ever seen.  Nothing I have ever felt.  No amount of imagination – can bring the THRONE into focus. 

But one day …. one day .. I will see it.  And I will no longer have to use my imagination.

A QUESTION

Questions come at us from every direction.  What is your name?  What is your address?  What is your password?  (Okay, don’t answer that one!)  What is for dinner?  Have you seen my __fill in the blank___?  (Especially if you have a male living in your home because they can never find anything.)  When will the project be done?  Can you stay and work late?  Are the cookies ready for me to take to school tomorrow?

Questions are especially fun at the doctor’s office.  What do you want to talk to the doctor about today?  (Why go over this on the written form, with the registering nurse, and then the doctor?  Just let me tell it once!)  Do you have __check mark a million questions ___?  (Could they just ask, “Has anything on this list changed since your last appointment?”)  Do you feel safe at home?  (This is a question that should be asked of every patient.  Asked when there is no one else in the room or when no one can see what answer you are checking.  I can answer that question YES I feel safe, but many cannot.)

I saw the pain doctor a week ago and filled out the required form.  The medical side was easy.  The shot helped and my pain level has come down from a 9/10 to a 4/5.  Yes, my back still hurts and if I stand very long it really hurts.  Medications are the same.  Then I turned the sheet over.

There are new questions I have never been asked before.  Maybe these are questions related to how I am handling pain.  Have you ever contemplated suicide?  NO!  Do you suffer from depression?  NO!  Do you have someone to talk with?  YES!  Do you feel useless?

And I answered YES.  I had never been asked that question before.  Do you feel useless?  I was surprised to see I had marked YES.  Why would I mark that?  I do many things.  I have kept busy. (Bless the internet and jigsaw puzzles.)  I teach Sunday School.  I write this blog.  I send cards.  I keep our bills paid.  I research and post things on Facebook.  I usually beat Bill when we play Quiddler.  I still … but since June, I cannot stand long enough to dust – that was my job.  Bill sweeps the floor and I dust.  I cannot stand long enough to cook – that was my job and more than once I have had to ask Bill to finish the meal because I had to sit down.  I cook and Bill does the dishes.  Do you feel useless?  And I answered yes.

I want you to know I have not written this so you would feel sorry for me.  I am dealing with this and know what I can and cannot do.  I am not depressed and I am not sitting around going, “Woe is me.  Woe is me.” 

BUT, before I saw this question, I had been feeling “something” and had not been able to put a word to it.  Once I let that word sink into my head, I could deal with it.  And I realized, “I AM NOT USELESS!”  What I can do has changed, but I AM NOT USELESS! 

A second BUT!  BUT it would be very easy for a person to fall into the feeling of being useless.  When, whether for a short time or an extended time, we can no longer do our “job” our self-image suffers.  How we see our self changes and it could be very easy to feel, “I can no longer do what I did, so I guess I am useless.”  Plus, because we may no longer be able to serve in the same capacity, we fear others will see us as useless.

To the caregiver:  As hard as it will be, allow your loved one to do what they are able to do.  (And yes, I have been on both sides.  It was soooo hard to let Bill go for a walk after he had a very small mini-stroke.  What if he had another one while walking?  What if…What if..)  BUT, honestly, sometimes, you can help too much.  Allow yourself to relax.  Take a breath.  And sit there while your patient, your loved one, gets their own drink or chips or ice cream.  They might struggle, but they will feel useful. 

For some reason, I felt compelled to write this.  I do not know who, but someone needs to know that feeling useless can be a side effect of illness.  If you feel this way, tell your caregiver and your doctor.  Let the word useless float around for a bit until you understand: I AM NOT USELESS!  What I can do has changed, but I AM NOT USELESS! 

I BELIEVE

Have you ever used your own words to express what you believe?  Have you ever put pen to paper and written a statement of your faith?  Surprise, surprise…I have.  I am pretty sure I have used these before, but for some reason, these came to my mind and I am using them again.

I BELIEVE MY LIFE HAS A PURPOSE

I wrote this January 2005, after completing Purpose Driven Life and it is taped in the front of my Bible.

The purpose of my life is to place God at the center of my being and to see God in all the world around me.  To be always thankful and grateful for being created by God to be his child and to know I am important to God.

With God at the center of my life, I want my character to reflect that I am a believer and that I make Christ based decisions.

I want the lives of others to be enriched by my actions and words.  I want to help family, friends and strangers move closer to God because they can see the light in my life and hear the story from my heart.

I want to share in fellowship with other believers so we can worship together, using the talents God has given each of us, to encourage each other and celebrate our faith.

A PERSONAL STATEMENT OF FAITH

This was written, April 3, 2011, when a Sunday School lesson challenged us to write our own personal statement of faith.

I believe Jesus is the Son of God.

I believe Jesus walked on this earth and that he brought the love of God

to all who will accept it.

I believe Jesus can heal souls and bodies.

Although I may have times of doubt or times of disobedience,

I believe the love of Jesus is unending and never fails.

I believe Jesus is my salvation.

I believe Jesus died so my sins could be buried with him.

I believe he arose and is with his Father.

I believe Jesus lived so he could present me to his Father

as a forgiven, cleansed daughter.

I grew up repeating the Apostles’ Creed in church.  Sometimes, we memorize this and no longer think about the meaning. 

I BELIEVE THE APOSTLES’ CREED

I believe in God the Father Almighty,

God, not a created idol, GOD.  And I believe there is only one God.

maker of heaven and earth

I do not believe in the big bang theory.  I believe GOD made the world.  The universe.  Made me.  I did not come from pond scum nor did I evolve from apes. 

And in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord:

Only Son!!  Not a prophet.  A SON!

who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary,

I accept this as fact!

suffered under Pontius Pilate,

I cannot image the love it took for God to allow this nor for Jesus to accept it, when Jesus was without sin.

was crucified, dead, and buried;

I believe Jesus died on the cross and His body was placed in a grave.

the third day he rose from the dead;

God had sent His Son for a reason; to take away my sins.  Job done!

he ascended into heaven, and sitteth at the right hand of God the Father Almighty;

God welcomed His Son.  God wanted Jesus back beside Him.  What father would not want the same?

from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.

I so want to forget that I will be judged.  But I will be.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,

A part of the Trinity: God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  The part of the Trinity that lives within my soul to guide me.

the holy catholic church,

I believe in the church Jesus built upon the faith of Peter and the apostles and continues to be built by the disciples of yesterday, today and tomorrow.

the communion of saints,

I cannot do this alone.  I must have help and part of that help is the support of others who believe in God, the Father Almighty.

the forgiveness of sins,

This is a biggie!!  I do believe my sins are forgiven.  I believe this because Jesus took my sins to the Cross.

the resurrection of the body

The grave will not be able to keep me.

and the life everlasting.

My everlasting life began the minute I accepted the Son of God.  Part of that life is now.  Part of that life is yet to come.

AND JESUS SAID:

A question I need to be able to answer:

But what about you?  Who do you say I am?  Luke 9:20

A question of my faith:

Do you believe that I am able to do this?  Matthew 9:28

Who I am to worship and serve:

It is written:  'Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.'  Luke 4:8

When I am tired:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.    Matthew 11:28-30

When I feel like I cannot do life:

My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.  Yet not as I will, but as you will.  Matthew 26:39

How I am to love:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it:  'Love your neighbor as yourself.'  All the Law and the Prophets hand on these two commandments.  Matthew 22:37-40

Who I am to help:

The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'  Matthew 25:40

A warning:

I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more.  But I will show you whom you should fear:  Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell.  Yes, I tell you, fear him.  Luke 12:4-5

Be alert:

No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.  Be on guard!  Be alert!  You do not know when that time will come.  Mark 13:32-33

What I am to do and Jesus' assurance:

All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.  Matthew 28:18-20

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What do you believe?