YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST

MOSES HEARS VOICES

Just in from Midian:  An Angel of the LORD appeared to Moses.  Moses, the man who killed an Egyptian and fled, seems to have seen the Angel of the LORD in a flame of fire that did not consume the bush.  If that doesn’t make you wonder exactly what funny mushroom Moses had eaten for breakfast, this will.  Hold onto your tunic.  Moses, a killer, seems to have heard GOD.  Yes, GOD!

The LORD, according to Moses, asked him to deliver the LORD’s people out of the hands of the Egyptians.  Conveniently, Moses was the only person there and his story cannot be confirmed.  That is unless you can find a sheep that can talk.

The Pharaoh could not be reached for comment.

Remember, you heard it here first.  The Egyptian Observer

JONAH MISSING — LAST SEEN GETTING ON A BOAT TO TARSHISH

Just in from Joppa:  Jonah missing after fleeing to Tarshish after the LORD instructed him to go to Nineveh.  We do not know what the LORD wanted Jonah to do, nor do we know why Jonah ran away.  Please notify us if you see this prophet.

Update:  The crew, of the boat Jonah bought passage on, reported that there was a great storm and Jonah said it was his fault for running from the LORD.  They threw him in the sea and the sea became calm.  I guess this proves you should not mess with sailors.

Update:  Jonah is walking the streets of Nineveh.  It seems he is telling them to straighten up or be overthrown.  It also seems the local fabric store is sold out of sackcloth.

Remember, you heard it here first.  The Nineveh Post

DAMASCUS ROAD CLOSED AFTER STRANGE ENCOUNTER

Just in from Damascus:  The men traveling with Saul, well known persecutor of those that profess to believe in Jesus, reported that Saul was blinded by a bright light and they also heard a voice.  They said they could not see a person, but the voice said, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?”  The men led Saul to the house of Judas.  I must add a disclaimer:  I did not interview Saul and the men, making this report, seem to have spent a bit of time in the local pub.

Update: It seems that Saul can now see and has been seen with the disciples.  Saul is also preaching in the synagogues about Christ being the Son of God.  To escape the Jews that want to kill him, Saul went to Jerusalem.  I am told he is now using his other name: Paul.

Remember, you heard it here first.  The Synagogue Weekly

---------------------------------

Do you read the paper?  Do you watch the news?  Do you believe what you read and hear?  Sadly, the news is no longer the news.  It is written to lead the reader in a certain direction. 

The word killer was used twice to describe Moses and the reference to finding a talking sheep was used to discredit him.  This was certainly written to influence your impression of Moses.

Jonah ran away.  He was weak.  Jonah put everyone on the boat in danger.  He was self-centered.  Jonah walked the streets of Nineveh and sackcloth flew off the shelves.  BUT there is no mention of the people turning away from their ways and no mention of Jonah sulking.  This left out the true meaning of Jonah’s actions and made him look like a crazy, religious freak.

Saul had a conversion.  The Light blinded him and he heard a voice.  Saul went from persecuting believers to preaching about Christ, the Son of God?  Now who does that?  Besides, those reporting the story could be a bit tipsy, a perfect way to make the reader doubt if the story is true.  This would diminish the impact of Saul’s conversion.

You can have fun with the scriptures and the stories can be told in many ways.  (My talking with God on my blog or a children’s Christmas play come to mind.)  There are millions of books, blogs, newspaper articles, TV shows, magazines, learned scholars, and google which want to tell you what the Bible says.  Many of these are written or preached to influence the reader/hearer in a certain direction.  What point am I making?  Read the Word for yourself.  When reading or listening what others say, make sure they are Biblical. 

Now, go read about Moses, Jonah, and Saul/Paul and discover the truth.