FROM THE PAGES OF A NOVEL

I love to read and often the words will draw a picture in my mind or on my heart.  Poor Bill!  When that happens, I say, “Listen to this.”  And then proceed to read to him.  It does not matter if he even listens.  I just want to hear the words and it feels silly to read out loud if no one is listening.

"The Wedding Chapel" by Rachel Hauck, gave me some things to think about.  Jack is one of the main characters and he has had a rough life.  He does not know what to do with emotions.  Or love.  Or letting go.

"parents?  That’s the crux of it right there.  Are you ready to give up being angry?  Because anytime you want to become a Gillingham, Jack, we’ll go down to the courthouse and make it all legal.”  

“I’m thirty years old, Sam.”

“I don’t care if you’re a hundred.  I’m telling you, I want you as my son.  Wouldn’t it be nice to know you are a son right before you become a father?”

Jack glanced at Sam, who nodded, then turned for the house.  “Take your time.”

He might have been gone, but his confession hung around the garage, drilling through Jack and tapping his tears.  “I want you as my son.”

“I want you as my son.”  Now that stopped Jack in his tracks because he did not know what to do with those words.  With those feelings.  How could anyone want him as a son?  He was not worthy.

Felling unworthy, Jack was in for another ride on the emotion roller coaster.  He was no good.  His life had been no good.  And then Jack heard:

"When you walked in, I knew you were the answer to our prayer.”

An answer to prayer.  Such a claim caused Jack to torque inside, messed with his right to be angry, to play the victim.  Because if the God of all looked after him, even used him to bless someone"

Now Jack was in trouble.  The walls he had built were starting to crumble.  The anger was starting to melt.  Jack questioned how he could be the answer to anyone’s prayer.  How could God use him?  If God was going to use him, what was he to do with the past?

"you have everything you need to heal from such a deep hurt, but you choose to keep walking around wounded.

As I read this book, I could see a broken man.  Broken by his father.  Dragging his hurt and bitterness into adulthood.  And he did not know what to do with kindness and love.  He did not understand how he could be the answer to a prayer.  He did not know how to heal.

Did Jack finally get it?  Of course!  It is a novel and readers want a happy ending.  But is a novel like real life?  Sometimes, no.  Sometimes, yes. 

This time?  The struggle part is very much like real life.  Is very much like our faith.

God wants us.  He tells us, over and over and over, that He loves us and wants us as His child.  But we struggle to understand that.  How can God love someone this broken and bitter and hurt?  And like Jack, we struggle with God telling us, “I want you.”

God uses us.  Now that really messes with our minds.  We wonder how God can use and believe in us when all we do is stay mad about what happened yesterday.  Or last week.  Or 30, 40 or 50 years ago.  Use me?  Me?  As a blessing to someone else.  We ask, “God, can you use me with all my problems and questions and …..?”  And, if you listen, you will hear God softly whisper, “Yes, child.  You!  I will use you.”

God heals us.  Healing is offered.  Healing is waiting to slip right into your heart.  Into your soul.  Into your mind.  The character in a book – just words on a page – changes in a few short paragraphs. Accepting healing in real life is not so easy.  Well, it is easy but we make it difficult.  God makes it easy.  Here is healing.  Take it.  Free!  We make it hard.  We do not want to give up being the victim.  We do not want to give up being angry.  Or hurt.  That would mean we would have to change.  And it is easier to choose to keep walking around wounded.

God wants you!     God will use you!     God can heal you!

How do you want your story to end?