God’s Gift

I want you to picture – yes, use your imagination – three gifts.

The first gift is small, about the size of a deck of cards.  What could be inside?  Maybe a piece of valuable jewelry.  Or maybe a gift card with a very large balance.  Or it could be nothing.  But it sure is a pretty package.

The second gift is a bit larger, about the size of a shoe box.  You would think that the bigger the package, the better the gift.  The wrapping is pretty and the bow just tops it off.  Do you wonder what could be inside?

The third gift is a tall skinny gift bag.   Does the shape give it away?  Not everything would fit in this gift bag.  A bag designed to hold – Let’s see what it holds.

Oh look!  It is a cup with packages of hot chocolate, tea and spiced cider mix.  Not quite what you expect to find in a bag designed to hold a wine bottle.

Too often we look at the wrapping – the outside – and make a judgment on what is inside.

“That must be a thug.  Or a gang member.  Or, heaven forbid, a motorcycle rider.  Look at those tattoos.  Why would anyone do that to their body?  Have they no self-respect?  My goodness, I do not want to have anything to do with that person.”

Unwrap the package.  Look inside.  That person with all sorts of strange ink might just be a youth minister.  Or a lawyer.  Or a doctor.  Or might be your next best friend.

“Really!  Look at that frown.  Did their mother never tell them their face would freeze that way?  They are always so grumpy.  My goodness, I do not want to have anything to do with that person.”

Unwrap the package.  Look inside.  Maybe life is hard for them.  Are they struggling with being a single parent?  Or maybe they are coping with an older, stubborn, unreasonable parent?  Maybe their spouse is in the military.  Or they do not have enough money to buy groceries.  Maybe their car broke down.  Maybe they need a smile.  Or someone to realize they are having a bad day.  Maybe they just need someone – only one person – to see past the frown and see the joy waiting to come out.

“A baby was born.  Just a baby.  Nothing special.  Babies are born every day.  Every second.  Around the world.  Babies are everywhere!  “

“So what is the big deal about one baby, born in a barn (or stable or cave), all those years ago?  He was a baby!  Have you seen all the pictures?  He looked like a baby.  Nothing special there.  He had all his toes and fingers.  Now either the artists ran out of time to paint a complete outfit or Mary had not been able to shop before she traveled to Bethlehem because that baby was not fully covered.  Yes, just a baby in a swaddling cloth with no fancy bows or ribbons.  Not exactly a gift to get excited about.”

Unwrap the package.  Look inside. 

But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship.  Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child: and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.                  Galatians 4:4-7

What?  This normal looking baby is God’s Son?  A redeemer?  His Spirit is in our hearts?  No longer a slave?  God’s child?  God’s heir?

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!

Well now, doesn’t that just take the cake?  This normal looking baby, with all his toes and fingers, born in a town long, long ago is so much more than he seemed. 

I am glad I unwrapped this gift and looked inside.

Thank you God for this most precious, valuable gift.

WRAPPING GIFTS

Today the wrapping begins!  I will set up a table.  Get the paper out of the closet.  Make sure I have plenty of tape and wrap each package.

It is not as much fun as when we had little ones.  I miss buying dolls.  And bears.  And trucks.  And toy dishes.  Shopping for adults lacks wonder.  Lacks surprise.  Cash or a gift card in an envelope just does not say Merry Christmas.  And a token under-the-tree gift or the usual “we get every year” does not bring excitement to the unwrapping process.

Or maybe I am in a rut.  Maybe I need to do away with my traditional under-the-tree gift for the adults.  (Calendars – hey, not giving away any surprises.  They know they will get a calendar.)  Maybe I need to say to the younger generation, “No cash this year.  No gift cards.”  Maybe I need to go shopping.  Maybe I need to make the gifts personal again.  Maybe I need to…….

“Mary, you are doing it again.”

“What am I doing again, God?”

“Sit down child.  This might take a bit of your time.”

“Mary, when your children and grandchildren were babies, they asked for toys.  And you gave them toys.  As they grew up, you wrapped their desires and placed them under the tree.  Now that they are adults or on the road to adulthood, their desires have changed.  Be it cash, a gift card or that annual calendar, you are fulfilling their desires.”

“But, I can see them using a “gift.”  Money is, well, money is just money.  It is every day.  Nothing special.”

“Let me try again.  Jesus was a baby.  A baby is just a baby.  An everyday happening.  Nothing special.  Except, this baby, this one baby, was the perfect gift.  I gave my children the gift they needed.”

“So, I am to give what they need not what makes me feel good?”

“Well done.  Now go put some love in each package and you will have a very Merry Christmas.”

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

Christmas can be very stressful.  We all have an image we try to live up to.  It can be how Christmas was when we were children.  It can be a scene from a movie.  It can be how the neighbors celebrate. 

Do not try to recreate your memories or make your home like a movie set or outdo the neighbors.  This year, give gifts purchased or made with love.  Bless other’s lives with your generosity.  Relax instead of trying to make each year bigger and better.  This year enjoy!!

MY BIRTHDAY

My birthday was almost a month ago but I want you to know I just plain – LOVE BIRTHDAYS!!

Growing up, I got to pick what we had for supper.  There was a cake especially for ME.  I received birthday gifts.  (And gifts were special because gifts were ONLY given on your birthday and Christmas.)  My daddy, a truck driver, tried to be home on our birthdays. 

Our two children never knew what to expect on their birthday.  I bought the cheapest birthday paper tablecloths I could find.  Then I would cut them up and plaster them all over the house.  Sometime I hid their gifts and they had to find them.  There was always cake and ice cream. 

What about hubby?  Well, Bill is a bit more subdued than I am so his special day usually consisted of his favorite meal, a pie and a gift that I knew would absolutely annoy him.  One year he told me not to buy him anything.  Well, that was not going to happen so I bought him two things.  And those two dresses fit me to a T.

Yes, I love birthdays!  A day to feel special.  A day to celebrate who I am.  Just a day ---

“Now, Mary, stop and think about what you just said,” the voice from on High suggested.

“Well, God,” I answered.  “I said I get a day to celebrate who I am.”

“Think again.  A day?  Just a day?”

As I pondered.  As I scrunched my face.  As I looked up.

“Want a hint?

I nodded.

“Look up Psalm 71.”

“Finished?  Now tell me where it says you are to only celebrate one day?”

“May I try again?” I asked in a quiet voice.

“Yes, child.  Try again.”

Yes, I love birthdays!  Every year I get a day to celebrate my birth.  Every day I get to celebrate who I am.

From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother’s womb.  I will ever praise you.  I have become a sign to many; you are my strong refuge.  My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long.         Psalm 71:6-7

THE MISSING PIECE

My mother, bless her heart, gave me a few things I do not appreciate such as Restless Leg Syndrome and arthritis.  She also gave me a couple of things I do appreciate.  I inherited a love to travel and working jigsaw puzzles.

Half of one closet is stacked with puzzles.  They range from very old ones mother had to new ones I just could not resist.  There are ones that have 300 pieces.  500 pieces.  1,000 pieces.  Some are square.  Some rectangle.  Some round.  Some are shaped and finding the border pieces is a challenge.  Hubby never understands how I can work them.  To him they look like a mess, with no way of ever coming together into a picture.

Oh, but to me they are many pieces waiting to be assembled into one.  I look for a dot of red that finishes the dress on the little girl.  Or a bit of purple to finish the sunset.  Or that elusive piece that should be a breeze to find that somehow is not on the table.  And then the sigh of relief when the piece is spotted on the floor. 

One of my favorites.

Yup, I love to do puzzles.  UNLESS ----- Unless there is a piece missing.  To get all finished and find you are one piece short is just so frustrating!!!  To know the puzzle is not complete…..

My life is like a puzzle.  But I know I cannot put the pieces of my life puzzle together.  That job requires the Master Puzzle Builder.  That job requires God.

God finds the piece with the dot of red that fits right there in the corner.  God finds the piece with the soft purple color needed to surround my life with a sunset.  God wants my life puzzle to be complete.  And that is the reason my puzzle has a border made of His Love.  His Forgiveness.  His Mercy.  His Strength.  His Grace.  His Wisdom.  His Peace.  His Glory. 

God is the glue that holds my life puzzle together. 

And that is what I am most thankful for.

THANKSGIVING VS GIVING THANKS

Bet you are thinking, “There is no difference.”  But let’s be honest.  When we hear the word “Thanksgiving”, the Norman Rockwell painting comes to mind.  We see a family sitting around a table, a very large, perfectly cooked turkey, dressing (stuffing), smiles and the mother still wearing her apron. 

When we hear the word “Thanksgiving”, we think about having the day off work (except for the people in the kitchen working for hours to prepare a meal that will be consumed in ten minutes), taking a nap after eating that turkey, football games, a dog show, and the long drive home with tired children.  Somewhere in there, we might actually go around and have everyone tell something they are thankful for.  That is if we can get it in during half time or a commercial.

Thanksgiving:  The forth Thursday in November.

vs

Giving:  To make a present of

Thanks:  Expression of gratitude

When I read the meaning of the words giving and thanks, I wondered if I have been doing it wrong all these years.  Over the years I have made it about me.

• I am so thankful for indoor plumbing.
• I am so thankful for family.
• I am thankful for sunrises and sunsets.
• I am – I am – I am.  It was all about me. 

But now?

TO MAKE A PRESENT OF OUR EXPRESSION OF GRATITUDE

Psalm 100

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

Can you hear me Lord?  Is my voice rising to your heavenly realm?

Worship the LORD with gladness;

come before him with joyful songs.

Know that the LORD is God.

My soul is smiling.  Can you see it reflected in my eyes?  Lord, God, I come before you with a song so full of joy it cannot be contained.

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

You made me.  I am yours.  Shepherd, I rest in your pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving

and his courts with praise;

give thanks to him and praise his name.

My thanksgiving is so strong no gate can keep me out and your courts will echo my praises.

I will raise my hands as I give you thanks and praise your name.

For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;

his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Lord, as my grandmother prayed, so shall I pray.  Your faithfulness surrounded her and that faithfulness will surround my children and their children and their children.

AMEN.  AND AMEN.

Happy Giving Thanks Day!!!

A BATTLE

It seems appropriate that on a day to remember those that fought for our freedoms I write on another battle.

The battle for a soul. 

The son said to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.  I am no longer worthy to be called your son.”

But the father said to his servants, “Quick!  Bring the best robe and put it on him.  Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.  Bring the fattened calf and kill it.  Let’s have a feast and celebrate.  For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.”  So they began to celebrate.

^“My son,” the father said, “you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.  But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.”

Luke 15:21-24, 31-32

I have always had trouble with this parable.  I could only see it through the eyes of the “I have always been here” brother.  This week I have been taught to see this through the eyes of the father.  I have held a broken son.

This week has not been the best week of my life, but I am realizing it is not the worst.  And actually might just be in the top ten best weeks.  Through the tears.  The hurt.  Through the love. While watching a son, broken by an addiction, move from a hidden life to the hope that chains can be broken, I know why the father ran to meet his son.  I know why he celebrated. 

What I would like to know is why the Bible left out what came after the celebration.  You see, I celebrate because my – our – son can go from lost to found.  Can go from darkness to light.  But it will take work.  I am sure the father in the parable did not agree with nor condone the younger son’s actions.  But I am also sure that the father, with love, made sure his son received the help he needed to find a new and right direction.

Our family does not agree with nor condone the choices our son has made.  But our family will stand together as he begins the journey to become the man God created him to be.

Right now, he will suffer because of the choices he has made and he will do battle with his demons.  Right now, we will do battle for his soul.

Yes, our son is a prodigal. 

Oh, wait.  So am I. 

The Lord told Saul (later renamed Paul):  I am sending you to them to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.

Acts 26:17-18

We are all prodigals.  And we all have hope.  We can all turn from darkness to light.  We can all move from the power of Satan to God.  We can all receive forgiveness.  We all have a place!

And we all have a Father waiting with open arms to welcome us home and celebrate!

FROM THE PAGES OF A NOVEL

I love to read and often the words will draw a picture in my mind or on my heart.  Poor Bill!  When that happens, I say, “Listen to this.”  And then proceed to read to him.  It does not matter if he even listens.  I just want to hear the words and it feels silly to read out loud if no one is listening.

"The Wedding Chapel" by Rachel Hauck, gave me some things to think about.  Jack is one of the main characters and he has had a rough life.  He does not know what to do with emotions.  Or love.  Or letting go.

"parents?  That’s the crux of it right there.  Are you ready to give up being angry?  Because anytime you want to become a Gillingham, Jack, we’ll go down to the courthouse and make it all legal.”  

“I’m thirty years old, Sam.”

“I don’t care if you’re a hundred.  I’m telling you, I want you as my son.  Wouldn’t it be nice to know you are a son right before you become a father?”

Jack glanced at Sam, who nodded, then turned for the house.  “Take your time.”

He might have been gone, but his confession hung around the garage, drilling through Jack and tapping his tears.  “I want you as my son.”

“I want you as my son.”  Now that stopped Jack in his tracks because he did not know what to do with those words.  With those feelings.  How could anyone want him as a son?  He was not worthy.

Felling unworthy, Jack was in for another ride on the emotion roller coaster.  He was no good.  His life had been no good.  And then Jack heard:

"When you walked in, I knew you were the answer to our prayer.”

An answer to prayer.  Such a claim caused Jack to torque inside, messed with his right to be angry, to play the victim.  Because if the God of all looked after him, even used him to bless someone"

Now Jack was in trouble.  The walls he had built were starting to crumble.  The anger was starting to melt.  Jack questioned how he could be the answer to anyone’s prayer.  How could God use him?  If God was going to use him, what was he to do with the past?

"you have everything you need to heal from such a deep hurt, but you choose to keep walking around wounded.

As I read this book, I could see a broken man.  Broken by his father.  Dragging his hurt and bitterness into adulthood.  And he did not know what to do with kindness and love.  He did not understand how he could be the answer to a prayer.  He did not know how to heal.

Did Jack finally get it?  Of course!  It is a novel and readers want a happy ending.  But is a novel like real life?  Sometimes, no.  Sometimes, yes. 

This time?  The struggle part is very much like real life.  Is very much like our faith.

God wants us.  He tells us, over and over and over, that He loves us and wants us as His child.  But we struggle to understand that.  How can God love someone this broken and bitter and hurt?  And like Jack, we struggle with God telling us, “I want you.”

God uses us.  Now that really messes with our minds.  We wonder how God can use and believe in us when all we do is stay mad about what happened yesterday.  Or last week.  Or 30, 40 or 50 years ago.  Use me?  Me?  As a blessing to someone else.  We ask, “God, can you use me with all my problems and questions and …..?”  And, if you listen, you will hear God softly whisper, “Yes, child.  You!  I will use you.”

God heals us.  Healing is offered.  Healing is waiting to slip right into your heart.  Into your soul.  Into your mind.  The character in a book – just words on a page – changes in a few short paragraphs. Accepting healing in real life is not so easy.  Well, it is easy but we make it difficult.  God makes it easy.  Here is healing.  Take it.  Free!  We make it hard.  We do not want to give up being the victim.  We do not want to give up being angry.  Or hurt.  That would mean we would have to change.  And it is easier to choose to keep walking around wounded.

God wants you!     God will use you!     God can heal you!

How do you want your story to end?  

SINGING BACKUP

Now, anyone who has ever sat beside me in church knows I cannot sing.  And just think about my poor hubby who has no choice but to sit beside me.  (Although I do notice he stands at arm’s length when holding his side of the hymnal.) 

My one sister asked me, “Why do we sound alike when we talk but you cannot sing?”  My own children (bless their hearts) once told me, “Yes, mom, the minister said sing out, but he did not mean you.”  Family can be brutally honest. 

Although that is the reputation I have locally, it is another story in the larger world of music.  What most people do not know is that I have sung backup with many famous artists.  No.  Really, I have but I will not give you my entire resume.  Neil Diamond and the Statler Brothers allowed me to join in on more than one occasion.  I am waiting to hear back from Matthew West and Garth Brooks.  Hopefully, they will also be repeat performances.  And tomorrow night I am singing backup for Casting Crowns!

Are you wondering how those closest to me cannot appreciate my hidden musical talent?  It is not that they cannot appreciate me.  It is the fact that the musical greats I have backed up ---- Well, they cannot hear me.  I am sure Garth Brooks was not aware of my joining in when I was in the first row of the lower section of a big venue.  And, although he was standing in the aisle right beside my chair, Matthew West must have heard about my musical un-ability because he did not offer me the mic while he sang “Hello My Name Is.”

I know who these people are but they do not know me. The “knowing” must be on both ends to have a real relationship.

I do not sing back-up for Jesus from the front row of the lower balcony.  I sing back-up for Jesus from my heart.  From my soul.  I want His ears to hear the joy with which I sing.

I want to have a real relationship with Jesus.  I do not want him to only know me because I sat in a row or section at a service or bought a ticket.  I want him to know because He has heard my voice when I prayed and I have felt His companionship in my soul.

I want a real relationship with Jesus.  I want to know him through His words.  I want to see Him in the glory of a sunrise and hear Him in the laughter of a baby.  And I want Him to know me through my tears and my joys.

I want a real relationship with Jesus, the Shepherd.  I want to know the Shepherd’s voice so I can follow Him.  I want the Shepherd to know me so I will not be lost.

He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.

…his sheep follow him because they know his voice.

I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me

– just as the Father knows me and I know the Father –

and I lay down my life for the sheep.

John 10: parts of verses 3-4 and verses 14-15

I do not just want to “know” Jesus.  I want a real relationship with Jesus!!!!!!!

The Artist

There is an app for everything and, with the right one, even I can create art.

I will never have an exhibit.  I will not receive an award for my creativity.  My name will never be listed under famous artists. 

But it is fun!  A swirl here.  A little color there.  Slowly a shape forms.  

My thoughts as I look at these?  The top picture is intricate.  The red one shouts.  The angels comfort me in the last one.

Yes, my iPad and I can create art.

THE ARTIST

This artist does not need an iPad.  Does not need a paint brush.  Nor canvas. 

IN THE BEGINNING GOD CREATED …..

HE SAID ……. let there be

  

HE SAID ….. let there be

HE SAID ….. let there be

Now doesn’t that just beat all!  HE SAID….  That is all it took.  He said.  (From Genesis 1)

Are you ready for the best part?

HE DID ALL OF THIS FOR US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God must really, really, REALLY love us!

OF COURSE

I flip the switch and the lights come on.  Of course.

I turn the tap and the water flows.  Of course.

I push the button and I have control of the TV.  Of course.

I put the key in the switch and the car is ready to start.  Of course.

I adjust the thermostat and the house cools down.  Of course.

I open the book and there are words on the page.  Of course.

I tell my hubby what to do and --- okay, maybe that one might not be such a good example.

There are so many things we take for granted.  When we take certain actions, we know exactly what the result will be.

Of course:

·         hubby – oops.  Forgot I was not going to use that.

·         there are words on the page – unless the printer ran out of ink.

·         the house will cool down – unless the air conditioner refuses to run.

·         the car will start – unless it is out of gas.

·         the TV will be operating – unless the cable is out.

·         the water will be filling the sink – unless there is a break in the water line.

·         the lights will come on – unless the storm took out a transformer.

Suddenly all of those “of course” times in our lives are not a sure thing.  Hubby may not follow instructions.  Appliances, cars and utilities can all fail. 

OF COURSE

When I want to talk with God, He will be there.  Of course.

When I look for God, He will be there.  Of course.

When I have drifted away and I find my way back, God will be there.  Of course.

When I want to thank God for the sunset, the flowers and laughter, He will be there.  Of course.

When I wake up and when I fall to sleep, God will be there.  Of course.

When I feel joy or sorrow or peace or fear, God will be there.  Of course.

“I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God,

“who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.”

Revelation 1:8

God WILL be with you.  OF COURSE!

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him,

so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Romans 15:13 NIV

MISSING BLOGS

I am glad to be back writing a weekly blog.  I have taken breaks before when we were going on vacation or life was just - well, just too much life.  I felt okay with that.  But the many weeks I missed between March and September were different.  I missed writing because I was lost.

I was seeking direction.  I was looking for the path.  I was listening for an answer.  And during this seeking, looking and listening, I was lost.  

I had been... but what was I to be now?  The problem was, I was willing to go down a new path, BUT the path should be pretty much like the old one.  I was good at... was that on the new path?  I always... would my always be there? 

Seeking, check.  Looking, check.  Listening, che--- and that is why I got lost.  My listening was more of a waiting to hear what I wanted to hear.  

Until one day when I was not listening at all.  It sounds silly, but when I was not listening, I heard the one question I needed to hear.  And when I heard the question, my Spirit immediately gave me the answer.

My path now?  My path now is a journey with yet undiscovered twists and turns.  I have thrown always away.  (Always is a bit boring if we are honest.) I am enjoying the wait until God shows me what my new role will be.  

The amazing thing is that, in the journey down an unknown path, leaving 'I was, I did and I always' behind, I realized I am no longer lost.  How can I not be lost on an unknown path?

Because, this is the path God wants me on.  An unknown path to me, but not to God.  He kept the path maintained until I eventually found my way.

No longer lost!  What sweet words.  And that means the blog returns.  I write with the prayer that my words will touch one person.  Will help one person find hope.  Will help one person realize their thoughts, doubts and fears are normal.  Will help one person find eternal life though Jesus Christ, the Son of God.

Who is that one person.  I have no idea.  It is not important for me to know.  It is important for me to write just in case one person happens upon my blog and needs to hear God say, “You are not lost.  You are my child.”

See what great love the Father has lavished on us,

that we should be called children of God!

And that is what we are!

1 John 3:1

THE LOST VIDEO

“Here is a video I think you would enjoy.  Watch it and then bring it back,” I told …….

Well, I told someone.  The trouble is now I do not know where the video is.  It is out there somewhere.  I am sure it wants to come home but it does not know the way.  Some people I thought I had loaned it to said, “No.  I do not have it.”  Now I do not know where to search. 

And I am looking because I wanted to loan it to someone else. 

Where of where?  Think.  Think.  Poor video.  Out there.  Is it lost forever?

LOST

I have felt like that video.  Lost.  Trying to find my way home.  Wondering how I ended up where I did not want to be.

I may have felt like the lost video BUT I am not like that video.  There is someone who always knows where I am. 

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

Psalm 139:2-3

GOD NEVER LOSES ME!  He never loans me out.  He never forgets where I am.

And when He (the good Shepherd) finds me,

He joyfully puts me on His shoulders and goes home.

Luke 15 parts of 5 and 6 (made personal)

GOD COMES TO GET ME!  Even if I should wander off, He comes to find me and brings me back where I belong.

ARE YOU LOST?

You can feel lost and alone in a room full of people.  You can get yourselves into places you thought you would never be.  You can turn to friends or family and still feel like you are lost.

There is a place you can feel secure.  A place where you will not feel lost.  That place is as a Child of God.  A Child of a God, who takes you in His arms, puts you on His shoulders and safely places you in His flock.

My prayer for you this week is that you will feel the comfort of a loving God that is always there and always loves to hear you talk with Him.

DAYS LEFT

I looked at the calendar and it says that this is day 260 and there are 106 days left in this year.  ONLY 106 DAYS LEFT!  Why it should only be …..

I don’t like knowing how many days are left in 2016.  Thinking about it sent my mind  into warp speed:  Next week is crazy busy!  Vacation with daughter and her family in three weeks!  Hubby getting ready to be in the fields!  Halloween!  My birthday!  Other people’s birthdays!  (One of those other people is our son who will be 50.   I AM NOT OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE A 50 YEAR OLD CHILD!)  Thanksgiving!  And Christmas! 

106 days left in 2016.  My mind has settled down and now the questions have started.  Will I use those days wisely?  Do I really have to do everything?  Am I allowing time for myself?  Am I allowing time for family?  Am I allowing time for God?

HOW MANY DAYS?

I can easily count how many days are left in a week.  In a month.  In a year.  I cannot count how many days are left in my life.

But about that day or hour no one knows,

not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son,

but only the Father.

Mark 13:32

I do not know how many days I have left.  AND I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!  But, the same questions apply. 

• Am I using my time wisely?
• Do I really have to do everything?
• Am I allowing time for myself?
• Am I allowing time for family?
• Am I allowing time for God?

Am I allowing time for God?  Am I allowing time for God?  Am I?  Am I?

Are you?

WHY

WHY.  Three letters.  A short word.  The definition is even short:  cause, reason or purpose.  And yet, this short, three letter word is on everyone’s lips.  Everyone’s heart.  You can see it in their eyes.  You can hear it in their voice.  You can notice the softer steps and the shoulders slightly bent. 

Why?  Why?   Why?

This short, three letter word is used over and over and over.  The “why” is usually followed by “if only?”  And we torture ourselves with these words.

There have been many posts on Facebook and articles in the paper and on the news about Suicide Prevention Awareness Month.  But they are only articles until there is a face – a person – a family – a friend – touched by suicide.  And, when one of those that committed suicide, leaves an empty place in a high school class and brings grief and loss to your grandchildren, the articles become real and the news touches your heart.  And everyone begins to ask, “Why?”

Sadly, the question “why” rarely has an answer.  Why would this boy commit suicide?  Why was he that unhappy?  Why did someone not see it?  Why?  Why?  Why?

And then, “What if?”  What if he had received a phone call?  What if he had reached out to someone?  What if I had been a better parent/friend/ pastor/teacher/employer?  What if?  What if?  What if?

My grandsons.  The kids at their school.  The parents, family and friends.  They are all facing a loss they cannot explain.  A loss that hurts.  A loss that will require the slow process of healing.

My prayer for them is that they will find comfort and that they will not fall into the trap of “why” and “what if”.  I pray they will find a memory to hold in their hearts so they can say goodbye to their friend.

=   =   =   =   =   =   =   =

The most important thing we can do is to take seriously anytime anyone says they are thinking about suicide.  Or if someone keeps bringing up the subject, it means they could be contemplating suicide.  And tell!!!  You are not doing your friend or family member a favor by not telling someone.  Their confiding in you might be their cry for help. 

Suicide is the 10^th leading cause of death and, each year, over 42,700 people commit suicide.  These are not just numbers!  The articles are not just news!

These 42,700+ people were our sons and daughters.  They were our parents.  They were our friends.  And we hurt when a suicide causes our grandsons to cry.

DISCOVERING THE PATH

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.

Psalm 119:105

Have you ever been out for a walk, enjoying the journey down a lovely path, your mind wondering here and there as memories floated in and out?  Have you ever been walking along, in a familiar right, left pattern, sure where you were headed because the path was easy to see?  Have you ever been walking along, one step leading into the next, when you notice a bench – an inviting, comfortable bench?  The empty bench is waiting for someone to step off the path and sit.

I had been sitting on that bench.  And, it was not a good place to be!

Let me explain. 

Our journey – the path we follow – can become too familiar.  Too safe.  We can keep putting one foot in front of the other.  We can be doing all the right things.  Saying all the right words.  We can …..

… all of a sudden realize it is not the path we are supposed to be on.  And that is how I found myself sitting on the bench.  My path was no longer clear.  Or maybe the path was clear and I did not want to see it. To see the path would mean I would have to change.  I would have to divert from the path of the known and comfortable to the path of “LORD YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT?”

So there I sat on the bench.  The name of the bench is indecision and, although that bench looked inviting, it was not a pleasant place to sit.  And I was not alone.  On one side was the voice of “this path is good.”  On the other side was the voice of “is this the path God wants you stay on?”

While I sat there, life went on and it was good.  But God has this persistent nature and finally, I heard the answer.  That is when I stood up and saw that, where there had been one path, there were now two.  One familiar and safe:  a good path.  One --

Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths.

Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior,

and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 25:4-5

One was the new path God wanted me to be on.

Hubby and I have struggled with a decision for years.  We had both attended the same denomination for over 50 years and a local church for over 30.  We sat on the bench of indecision because of the wonderful people in the local church, as the voice on one side said “go” and the voice on the other side said “stay.” 

What we finally realized is that God has a new path for us and we have begun a new faith journey.  A journey that is no longer handcuffed to indecision.  We are exactly where God wants us.  We are on a new path. 

What about you?  Are you sitting on the bench of indecision?  

I HEARD/READ IT --- IT MADE ME THINK

The other day, we were watching an interview with Sophia Loren.  The question was, “What is happiness?”

 She answered, “It depends on your age.”

 That made me think and I realized she was right. 

• Happiness was mom saying, “Yes, you may go to the park.  Be back by five.” 
• Happiness was a slumber party.
• Happiness was receiving an engagement ring and then a wedding ring from the man I love.
• Happiness was welcoming a son and then a daughter into our family.

Some things cause happiness during your whole life:

• Happiness is reading a book.
• Happiness is traveling.
• Happiness is family.  And home.

It is funny how one thing leads to another.  I had finished reading a book, The Wedding Chapel by Rachel Hauck, and had saved some quotes about Jack.  Jack is seeking happiness.  Seeking but could he let go of the past? 
 

“That’s the crux of it right there.  Are you ready to give up being angry? Because anytime you want to become a Gillingham, Jack, we’ll go down to the courthouse and make it all legal.”  “I’m thirty years old, Sam.”  “I don’t care if you’re a hundred. I’m telling you, I want you as my son. Wouldn’t it be nice to know you are a son right before you become a father?”  Jack glanced at Sam, who nodded, then turned for the house. “Take your time.” He might have been gone, but his confession hung around the garage, drilling through Jack and tapping his tears. “I want you as my son.”

"You have everything you need to heal from such a deep hurt, but you choose to keep walking around wounded.”

"When you walked in, I knew you were the answer to our prayer.”  An answer to prayer.  Such a claim caused Jack to torque inside, messed with his right to be angry, to play the victim.  Because if the God of all looked after him, even used him to bless someone"

As a child, Jack was sent to stay with Sam and his wife.  Jack was angry.  Jack closed himself off and never realized he was an answer to their prayers.  You see, they wanted a child.

Jack had not known happiness.  Did not have sweet memories.  He did not know how to love.  Or trust.  He just knew how to be hurt, to be angry.  He just knew how to keep people away.

Of course, the book ended with Jack finding happiness when he finally allowed his past to be just that:  the past.  Then he found God, trust and love. 

So often we do not realize that what makes us happy changes as we grow older.  So often we are not happy because, like Jack, we refuse to leave our hurts, anger and lack of trust behind us.

Of course, the book had a happy ending but your life can have a happy endings too.  The key?

God, of course.